Why we do what we do…and when we do it. And also where. And how.
Why do I blog? I suppose because there was a time where it dawned on me that I should stop building suspension bridges in my backyard because I was annoying the neighbors. Or the other time where I tried to divide 326.73928 by 4.9926 and my skull detonated. Or yet that other time when I was possessed by a fit of creativity and tried to simply install a curtain rod and managed to short out the power to our block by drilling the pilot hole into the wrong place. I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize to my neighbors and invite you over to see my suspension bridge.
Blogging, for me and many, is a creative outlet that allows us to express what’s going on in our heads at any given moment. Such as:
- What we’ll have for dinner tonight. Or….
- Where we’ll go for date night during the pandemic: the living room? The front room? The attic? The butler pantry? Or…
- Will we be injecting ourselves with bleach to stave off impending infection.
These and other valuable and thought-provoking questions keep our minds a-whirling pondering the meaning of life, such as why people put “a-“ before “whirling.”
Blogging is critical for the SEO of your website, which I believe stands for Something Everyone Oughttaknowbutdoesn’t, which may or may not have something to do with Google spiders and how websites climb up search engines and lay their eggs so that they can be found. Or something. Again, I am not an expert. If you’ve come to this blog to learn about SEO, you just won’t. If however you’ve come to this blog seeking to expand your knowledge of spiders and eggs, then victory is now yours.
For me, particularly, blogging about voiceovers has become the next best thing to performing voiceovers themselves. It’s a creative outlet of expression and coming up with something new and enchanting each week to waste people’s time over. I am an expert in the Giant Timesuck: drawing them in and taking them on an exciting and inquiring-minds journey, at the end of which they’ll be able to say, “Whoa…I’ll never get those ten minutes back, like…ever.” It’s a chance to really shine light on things: to expose them, to examine them, and to provide deep insight and edutainment the world over, so that one day I might be hailed as The Man Who Instructs Us, and there shall be peace and harmony everywhere as people flock to my blog from all corners of the universe: north, south, east, west, and Starbucks.
And the great thing about reading my blog? You don’t even need to wear a mask.
Where does one blog from? Well, quite simply, one blogs from one’s location in which blogging suits oneself, in order to blog oneself’s thoughts from one’s own mind, blogging said thoughts from said mind into one’s own blog post scribed from the location wherein oneself’s blog was written, as blogged by oneself. Does that help? In short, anywhere. Blogging can be done from your desktop, your laptop, or on the rooftop in a halter-top with a quarantine mop-top.
Approaching it from another location vantage point, one does not have to really write about anything valuable in particular. Take this blog for example. You’ve already neglected to feed the baby, your iPhone alarm is still going off from some deep recess in your home, and the dog peed on the floor in all the time you spent trying to figure out the first paragraph in this heading. But you learned something, didn’t you: that one can use “oneself” in a sentence as much as oneself wants. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is an Important Point To Remember. There will be a quiz for oneself later.
- Family and friends
- Family who have friends
- Friends who are friends of the family
- Friends who were once family but said oneself too often and were pushed out
- How to pit your family against your friends in wild, raucous watermelon fights, and why watermelon really matters
- How to push out friends
- How to push out family
- How to push out friends of the family
- How family eats
- How friends eat
- Why you should make your friends eat your family
- Why eating friends and family is good for your nutrition levels
- Peanut butter
OR – you can do as I do, and blog about voiceovers. And on the other side of the “where” equation, you can reach people literally ANYWHERE in the solar system. Case in point: I have an avid reader on Alpha Centauri who frequents my blog on a frequency he frequents, frequently searching for valuable information on peanut butter. In fact, if you search for “peanut butter” in the sidebar of this blog, you’ll find an incredible and epic bounty of zero articles on the subject. BUT – to her/him/it out there, it’s lonely and cold, and when you’re on a rock out in space, you crave good reading material, whether peanut butter is mentioned in it or not. It’s just the cold hard truth of space, where no one can hear you scream for peanut butter.
Many people ask me on a recurring basis (“recurring” in this sentence meaning the same as “never”), “Josh, how do I get into blogging?” And it warms my heart when they do, because it means we can sit down by the warm, crackling fire, and I can regale them with stories of old.
Of the legacy of my blogging origins.
Of how I thoughtfully pen each and every blog.
Of how I started blogging long ago, when puppies were the oldest animals.
Of how I learned, delicately, painstakingly, to tap individual letters on my keyboard which formed the basis of what scientists are now calling “words”.
Of how I slowly, methodically assemble all those words into encouraging sentences such as “What a stupid question! It’s simple. Just do it. Why don’t you make something of yourself, you worthless, boring mutant.”
Blogging isn’t rocket science. You sit, you think, you write. In my case you write about voiceovers. You give life to your voiceover thoughts, and then disseminate them around the world in order to steal time from voiceover artists so that they will be too busy to audition, leaving all of those jobs for you to be awarded. Shrewd? Calculating? Sinister? Cold and heartless? Maybe. But a man’s gotta eat. And in some cases, it’s a delicious serving of friends and family covered in peanut butter.
Just think: this voiceover guy just made you read this blog all the way to this sentence. You willingly (read: Latin for “foolishly”) parted with your time in order to read this far. And all this time he’s been laughing uproariously and auditioning for all your projects, and it’s likely that oneself will be awarded said jobs, and yourself won’t.
So, let's review. Blogging is all about selfish acquisition, really, and ultimately ending up utterly lonely and craving peanut butter. Now you know.
See you on Alpha Centauri.
The Man Who Instructs Us
HEY. WAIT JUST A S.E.C.!
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