Looking for some inspiration and laughter?  Check out the long and growing list of all Josh's blogs below!  They're a fine mix of Dave Barry, Demetri Martin, Brian Regan, Steven Wright, and plain ol' voiceover information, wisdom, tips and tricks.

Please Don’t Send Me To Collections!

I’ve still got a score to settle That Magical Place of No Return A long time ago, there existed a video production client.  His name, for the purposes of this story, was VideoProductionClientRalph.  Ralph (for short) owed a certain voiceover artist money.  And her name, was VoiceoverArtistYolanda.  Ralph owed Yolanda a shapely share of shekels for voiceover services rendered.  But oh no!  Ralph didn’t pay Yolanda! She desperately needed a new fence to pen her ...
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The Scintillating Saga of Victor & Vicky Voiceover and Carl the Curiously Coverless Covid-Guy

Available wherever quality fiction is sold It’s our Grand Re-opening! What could go wrong!? Welcome to America, where we have everything you could ever want or need, and then a lot of things that you just don’t want, like ever.  Not even a little bit.  Things like: Covid-19 Michael Bolton music Waiters asking you “if you’re still doing OK” every thirty seconds Rush-hour at 7am, 8am, 9am, 10am, 11am, 12pm, 1pm, 2pm, 3pm, 4pm, 5pm, ...
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I’m leaving on a Voiceover Jetplane

Don’t know when I’ll be back again Yep…still moving If you’ve been following my blog - and I have no idea why you wouldn't do such a thing - then you’ll know we’re moving.  By that I don't mean that people are emotionally impacted by listening to us.  Not that kind of moving.  The kind of moving that is forged in the fires of Sorrow, fueled by the despair of billions of atoms of Woe, ...
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How to Survive a Pandemic if you’re a Voice Talent

(And not eat your relatives) Caution: I am not a scholar. Or a scientist. Or a theologian. Or a doctor. Or a psychologist. Or psychiatrist. Or an advisor of any kind. In fact, I may not have any real solid answers for you, but at least we'll laugh together along our path to oblivion. “A nice pickle we’ve landed ourselves in, Mr. Frodo.” Surely by now you’ve read The Lord of the Rings.  If you’re ...
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That does it. I’m running for President of the United States of America

I’m Joshua Alexander, and I approve this message. The time has come. It’s almost that time of year.  I think you know what I’m talking about, and I don’t mean the annual Arctic Tundra Cookoff Sponsored By Jimbob’s Spicy GreaseBurgers. The other thing.  That glorious time where we put off all forms of decorum and civility towards our fellow man, and erupt into fireballs of vomitous political indignation and fury when conversations go south and ...
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You Don’t Tell Me What To Do!

I'm telling!  (Get it?) I make the Rules Remember your childhood?  Life was fresh and new.  The smell of green grass was in the air.  Your bicycle had those playing cards strapped to the seatstays or fork to make it sound like a motor when it hit the spokes, while your little legs pumped up and down tirelessly before you hit that bike launch and ran screaming to Mom for an ambulance.  Cue “These are ...
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How to become a Voiceover Gajillionaire

A Get-Rich-Quick Guide Follow my 5 easy steps It’s a different world now.  If you consider all the craziness that has happened since 2020 began, we’re on pace to start protesting about pandemics of impeached murder hornets soon. I think it’s time to inject a little disinfectant. In all of this woe, people all over the planet are flocking to voiceovers like never before.  I mean, there must be something here with such great promise ...
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How to date a Voiceover Artist

Written by a dated Voiceover Artist An entry from a non-mind-wiped married male These are strange times.  Dare I say “uncertain times”? No, I dare not say that, because that has truly been said enough…certainly so much so that I’m certain that I'm able to certainly say, “these are certainly uncertain times.”  I get it, and so do you. But one thing IS certain, and that’s that people still need relationships.  These social distancing measures ...
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“Honey I have an idea – let’s move in the middle of a global pandemic!”

And other dumb things I've said. To move or not to move: that is the question. So my wife and I are in the process of looking for homes.  Or, to be more precise, we were in the process, before we both started not finding what we each wanted, not liking the other’s choices, foaming at the mouth and finally sizing each other up for coffins. (Hers is 5’5” and a smidge…but smidges are important.  ...
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A Blogger’s Blog about Blogging

Why we do what we do…and when we do it.  And also where.  And how. Blogging…why? Why do I blog?  I suppose because there was a time where it dawned on me that I should stop building suspension bridges in my backyard because I was annoying the neighbors.  Or the other time where I tried to divide 326.73928 by 4.9926 and my skull detonated.  Or yet that other time when I was possessed by a ...
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A Leap Forward to Look Back

Confused yet? Much to give thanks for Today is my birthday!  I’m 23…uh…again!  And as my all-time favorite book and movie trilogy is The Lord of the Rings, it’s appropriate to quote The Gaffer at the end of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, when he says “All’s well as ends better”!  What a great phrase.  You never know how a week will turn out.  I just finished last week with TWENTY-THREE scripts or job ...
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When life gives you Murder Hornets, you make Murder Hornet Lemonade

...or…some other title that’s fitting Because a Global Coronavirus Pandemic just wasn’t enough We're in the thick of it now.  A teacher missed her classroom so much that she knitted all of her students, which is another way of saying, "I went bonkers."  Now, I don’t mean knitted them together against their wills, mind you, or she’d be in the Big House, which I’m told is NOT where you want to be during a pandemic.  ...
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There can be miracles…when you believe

And not just in animated movies. Houston and Carey had it right In 1998’s The Prince of Egypt, a wonderful song was delivered by two pop divas.  No, not Ethel Merman and Jessica Rabbit.  The other two divas: Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey.  I’m talking about the theme song, “There can be Miracles.”  Wow, what a matchup!  They were a team…er…sort of.  Two divas duking it out with all their vocal gymnastics and sending us ...
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M-m-m-my Corona

A surprise Coronavirus upgrade The proof is in the crazy pudding My oh my how COVID-19 has wreaked havoc on our world.  It’s been a frustrating time, a crazy time, a stressful time, and a sad time.  In all sincerity, it’s been of Biblical proportions.  Whoever calls it a plague would be right to do so.  As of this writing, the coronavirus has wiped out 178,845 members of our planet…but by the time this is ...
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Every Day is an Easter Egg Hunt

It’s not just a myth anymore! Kids and Hunts My preschooler is four. This is commonly known as the age where all parents everywhere become utterly committed, in all parental love, to renouncing all ownership and claim to preschoolers. But we’re sticking it out because we love the little guy, and also because we got an extra $500 from the federal government in our stimulus. And BOY does this boy love him some candy.  If ...
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Father forgive me, for I have spammed

Guilty as charged I’m Joshua Alexander.  And I’m a spammer.  (“Hi, Josh…”) Well, I covered telemarketing, so it’s only fitting that now we talk about everyone’s favorite source of daily disgruntlement: the email spammer! But first, let’s zoom out and really examine Spam.  What is Spam anyway?  When we crack open a can of spam, we find meat substitute soaked in evil.  So essentially, what these strangers from afar – especially everyone’s favorite beloved Nigerian ...
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Coronavirus: I get it

I finally got it Now that was some darn good click-bait I finally got Covid-19. As in: I finally understood it. I’ve been angry. I’ve been depressed. I’ve been frantic and worried. I’ve been nervous and sleepless. I want to squeeze things until they pop. Honey, take the children into the next room please. Honestly, it’s so bad I’m even about to watch Dumb & Dumber To again and then find something to disassemble. Where's ...
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I’m Joshua Alexander, and I love you.

What’s love got to do…got to do with it? This damned virus So now we come to it.  We’re in over our heads with this damned coronavirus.  Coronaviruses aren’t new; they’ve been around for as long as Betty White has.  It’s just that this new one, to which we’ve ascribed the cool-sounding moniker, “Covid19”, is anything but cool, and is in fact a cold-blooded killer.  Just think of it: cancer can take several weeks, months, ...
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We have your Toilet Paper. And if you ever want to see it again…

Ten Trusty Ways to Survive the Coronavirus as a Voice Talent NOTE: Please practice social distancing and stand at least 6 feet away from this blog while reading it, or I'm spraying you with hand sanitizer. It’s a mad, mad world out there.  With toilet paper flying off the shelves, what’s one to do?  It’s a crappy mess. (Get it?)  Hysteria abounds.  Fear and panic are widespread.  Isolation and loneliness are rampant.  Dogs and cats ...
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I’m a Voice Talent, but I’m No Superman

I’ll be even less super by the end of this blog A Super Photo Shoot I rebranded, if you haven’t noticed, and it’s marvelous.  All the colors of red, white, blue and yellow are there, and can be easily seen with X-Ray vision if you look close.  My photographer brother-in-law takes great photos with a high-res camera that I’m told can let you see inside my pores, if you zoom in close enough.  I’ll not ...
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Voiceovers rule and Weddings suck

Wedding and Voicing and Writing Oh My! Rather than send out two blog posts back to back, here's a sidebar announcement: Did you get my book yet?  "VOICEOVERS: A Super Business ∙ A Super Life", my 310-page independently published book, is now available for order! Now back to our regularly scheduled program already in progress. Gone are the Days There was a time in my life where weddings were my main breadwinner.  How fun was ...
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What To Do When You’re Male

Written by a Male for Males It’s hard being a Dude When you think about it, it’s difficult being a human.  I would much rather be a tiny tardigrade (I’ve talked about them before) because apparently they’re indestructible, even if you send them to the moon and then blow up the moon.  (Please do not try this as I’m told we need the moon for movies like Moonstruck and TV shows like Moonlighting and songs ...
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May I speak with the person in charge of your Voiceovers?

Voiceovers & Telemarketers The Telemarketing Golden Years How did I get started in voiceovers? Sit back, pull up a mug of something light and refreshing, and let me regale you with a tale of old.  Because I’m now old.  And tales are cool. The year was 1993. Yours Truly was under the part-time employ of a telemarketing outfit in Bellevue Washington, where Yours Truly would contact business owners and summon all of Yours Truly’s seductive ...
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My Interview with Voiceover Coach & Demo Producer Scott Burns!

It's here! The still frame says it all - he and I smile a lot together.  Check out my recent interviews with my beloved coach, the illustrious Scott W. Burns!! We had a ball as usual. Check 'em out and give Scott a call or email for coaching or demo production. If you're looking for a voiceover coach or demo producer, I cannot recommend Scott Burns more highly.  Scott is a wonderful mammal and a ...
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The Voiceover Guy and the Attack of the Killer Preschoolers

A True Story Now I know what Arnold felt like What you are about to read is the firsthand account of where I literally almost died.  I am not making this up.  Where I, a grownup, found myself overrun by a savage classroom of bloodthirsty and carnivorous preschoolers.  I’m talking about an event laden with fear and anxiety.  I’m referencing an occasion whereby one’s stamina and fortitude melt and wither in the fiery crucible of ...
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There’s a Fly in my Voiceover Booth

It all started with Sci-Fi The year was 1986.  I was all of 13.  The cool fad was something strange and exciting called “The Walkman.”  And the cool movie was The Fly with Jeff Goldblum.  Now, keep in mind that this movie is a reboot of the original.  I’m generally not a big fan of remakes or reboots, with a few exceptions.  I thought the new Total Recall was a blast.  I actually enjoyed the ...
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My Interview With Mr. Nethervoice, Paul Strikwerda!

The Man, The Myth, The Legend I had the EXTREME pleasure of interviewing Paul Strikwerda, aka "Nethervoice" today. Paul is a very humble man with a powerful story, and years upon years of VO insight. Paul has survived a stroke AND a career in radio and TV. He's got lots of stories to tell, and he tells them well. He's Dutch, and he loves his big yellow Crocs. I'm kind of fond of them too ...
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Welcome to Voiceover Manners 101

Your Guide for Human Etiquette in the 21st Century It’s pronounced “Peath” My preschooler.  Such a dynamo. Brennan is still learning English, so you can’t fault him.  He is not yet 4, so he is still essentially enrolled in English-as-a-second-language, since his primary language is dribble-drool-goo-goo-gah-gah-squeal-wah.  My favorite thing he says, when asked if he needs to go potty, is “I already’d.”  That’s as in “already”, but past tense of course. My kiddo is simply ...
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Thank goodness I do Voiceovers only for Exposure

It’s all about publicity and goodwill, right? Voiceovers and Charity There once was a voice talent named Jack who loved to promote his knack To clients that we’d love to whack due to expectations that are whack. This poem has been brought to you as a courtesy by the Universal Collective Of Voiceover Artists Saddened And In Fact Maddened By Clients Promising Great Exposure And Wonderful Goodwill Resulting From Free Services, otherwise known as The ...
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There Can Be Only One…Voiceover Artist

If your head comes away from your audition…it’s over Hackings and beheadings: O What Fun! Once upon a time there comes along a movie that blows you away with its incredible ideologies.  I’m talking about Terminator.  The Matrix.  Inception.  Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.  Movies with concepts that are beyond the scope of mortal thinking. Highlander is such a movie!  Ohhhhh, it had everything: Immortals slashing their way to win The Prize, which, if you ...
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Diary of a Wimpy Voiceover Artist

Marketing is Hard! Monday, January 6th, 2020 Today I woke up and drank eight quarts of fruit-punch Advocare Spark energy drink so that I could be jazzed and at the top of my game when I start to cold-call clients for voiceovers. Let’s do this. I’m as wired as an Olympic runner on steroids who’s about to be checked for steroids so they’re running away from the steroids testing booth because, let's review, they’re on ...
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2020: The Year We Make Voiceover Contact

Close Encounters of the Word Kind They’re watching and listening! It’s 2020!  And with it comes lots of goals and resolutions and plans.  We form strategems and plot our resolutions and victories.  We mastermind our own success and look forward to a brighter future.  And this time, we’ll keep it off!  Yes, we’ll keep it off, just as soon as we’re done figuring out how to incorporate our leftover cream-filled Christmas chocolates into our new ...
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2019: The Voiceover Artist Year in Review!

It’s your Yearly Recap for a wonderful year in VO! Plop plop fizz fizz oh what a year it is… Disregarding all of the trauma (what?) and hysteria (no, it can’t be) and freakish politics (whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout, Willis) out there, I thought I’d recap the wonderful year in VO so that we can all kick back, relax, and remember the good – and bad – VO times that 2019 brought. So kick back, relax, ...
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No Animals were harmed in the making of this Voiceover

…that you know of. Home on the Range This is a special edition blog devoted to all those who make their living from voiceovers, and not from other reputable vocations such as slaughtering four-legged things for general consumption, or Amway. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and yet we maintain a community that promotes encouragement and support, affirmation, coaching, mentoring, and all things non-beef-related.  Is beef bad?  Well, that’s kind of a subjective question because ...
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Josh’s Christmas Voiceover Wish List

Just send everything. Thanks. It’s the most…materialistic time…of the year… Ah, it’s that joyous time of year! That wonderful time where we throw off all humility and shamelessly hope for silver and gold, jewels aplenty, opulence unmatched, and of course Disney+ and bulk packs of Good & Plenty! (Are your reading this, Mrs. Alexander???) Where we pay top dollar for someone to, as Brian Regan says, fiddle for us and amuse us while we sit ...
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Voiceover Soccer Mom status: ACHIEVED.

The True Story of One Man, a Van…and a life forever changed.  A Hallmark Original. Never Say Never I once said “Never.”  That is never a good thing to say.  “I’ll never own a van, and you’ll never make me!”  (…and other things once quoted by Joshua Alexander….on sale now wherever quality books are sold).  Indeed, the “Oh no he didn’t” gods were listening in.  They cracked their knuckles, and they went right to work ...
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Why I threw away $460,000

To all my 454 clients…peace out! Humble Superhero Beginnings Jason didn’t have a wedding videographer. I had a simple 8mm analog tape video camera and an “S” on my chest. That’s how it began. I had met Jason in 2001 at my old church, and we had become good friends. He’d been a friend to me during a bit of a dark time, and now he was getting hitched. Tying the knot. Renouncing singledom. Entering ...
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May the odds be ever in MY favor!

Knock ‘em dead…or at least comatose All those voiceovers can wipe you out! It’s 5pm.  You’re pooped!  All of your 5,276 auditions have been done, you’ve read two hours of an audiobook on geodetic survey algorithms, and your head exploded.  You’re bushed!  Your voice hurts, your mind has turned to goo, and your mouth is now only capable of making noises similar to a bison being run over by a streamroller. Been there.  Oh boy ...
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I’m a Voice Talent Radio DJ Singer Podcast….Guy

They’re all the same, right? No, uh, they’re not. Ever been told you have a “face for radio”?  This is a kind way of someone telling you that your face is hurting their eyes.  It’s another way to politely say “Please stop hurting me visually.”  I have never once been told this, because I only hang around blind people. It helps with my confidence level. In all sincerity, I’ve never once been told “Hey, you’ve ...
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How to do Santa Voiceovers

…and other Cockamamie Christmas stuff The Bah, humbuggers (with ketchup, mustard and pickle) Ah the holidays. My last blog was about the holidays, but I’m still in a festive, mirthy mirth-filled mood…so let’s keep this gravy train going, shall we? I love the holidays. I truly do, more than I can put into words. They’re such a wonderful time of the year, with all the crazy frenetic stuff going on. Planning, in-laws, shopping, in-laws, cooking, ...
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Pardon me while I go streaking with Elves

So much to do, so little time Holiday Cheer So the holidays are upon us, and once again, mirth is creeping at our doorstep. Reds and greens are starting to pop up in stores, and I’m pretty sure I heard an office lobby daring to brazenly play a Christmas tune in late-October. In this jolly season, happiness is as contagious as those instances where someone does something for you unannounced and does it with a ...
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A Day in the Life of a Voiceover Dada

Breathe, Josh. Just Breathe. 4am: Awake, reluctantly, due to Baby noise. Pray for precious silence as heart beats wildly with tension-filled anxiety. 4:01am: Infant thankfully goes back to sleep. Resolve to pretend that you too are sleeping the next time this happens, so that wife will get him. 4:26am: Infant cries out again. Manufacture the best snore. Receive an Oscar nomination. Feel the heat of wife’s stare on the back of your head. Drool a ...
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Greetings from MAILER-DAEMON!

Unmasking the Bane of our Email Emailing, Emailing, Emailing Don’t you just love marketing. It’s wonderful! Never in any other business function are you afforded such a rich bounty of opportunities to just simply make people go ballistic. It’s wonderful. You send an email stating nicely who you are and what you do, and the recipient sends you a nice subpoena accompanied by cease and desist letters. It’s great! The human race is built on ...
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Succinctly Speaking about Smoldering Wicks

…So enjoy while ye mayeth Millenia Later It’s been said, “What’s worse than a blog?  A blooooooogggggg…”  OK, OK, I myself just said that; no one else did.  But someday, millennia from now, the Great Leader will summon his Imperius Commander whilst suspending in the Floating Caverns of Futurica and say, “Hearken ye back to the year 2019…whithersoever wist ye wantest Joshua Alexander spake unto us, “[see above]”.  To which the Imperial Commander will say ...
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This Blog is just 400 words long

…to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it right, child Wordy McWorderson So I’ve been told by some that my Blogs are a bit wordy. With that, I’m going to go for an abbreviation, and I’m going to do it with style and aplomb as always. Here goes. This Blog is just 400 words long, This Blog is just 400 words long, This Blog is ...
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I Read English Goodly

...but No Goodly same as Read You An unexpectedly, perpetually rich source of Laughter I was 17. It was the summer of 1990. I had a paper route. That last part should have been assumed, because I was 17. I was nearly done with my route, which consisted of approximately 218 Seattle Times papers in the Bellevue area east of Seattle.  Vanilla Ice was blaring (does Vanilla Ice blare?), and I was rockin’ the Honda ...
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Oh What A Rat You Are

…so get in the Race “Everywhere I went, I was running!” Remember Forrest Gump?  Boy, could that boy run.  His wonderful quote to Jen-nay: “And after that?  Everywhere I went…I was runnnnning…”  Such great memories!  Tom Hanks’ finest. Anytime I look at Forrest Gump and that slim, healthy physique, it’s like looking in a freaking mirror.  The mirror of course being one of those circus funhouse mirrors that is comically warped to the point of ...
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More Cheese With Your Whine?

Ahhh, complaining… Music to My Ears Woe to the Woe Is Me-ers Gotta love it. Don’t you? The whining. The ineffable charm of a complainer. The moans! The irritating and life-sucking drain of a nitpicker flailing in misery! Waaaaah waaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Ahhhh! Music to my ears, and makes life worth living! I love complainers. Almost as much as I love getting suckerpunched in the face by a random passerby and then doused with acid. It ...
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Please: For Your Own Good, Rent My Child

…and become a better Storyteller! Got a kid?  No?  Get a kid. Sidebar: This is not my kid. Ever read a story to a child?  They’re merciless critics.  Merciless.  They scrutinize you and size you up and down for a coffin before you even flip open the first page.  With their beautiful baby blue eyes and adorable cheeks, they look up at you with watering eyes, pleading to you in all their untainted innocence: “Will ...
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Can You Hear Me Now? Good!

NOTE: Not a Verizon- or Sprint-sponsored Blog. End of NOTE. I don’t have to be right My wife is a wordsmith.  Anyone who knows her knows this.  She and I enjoy the occasional verbal jousting, and even the delightful argument, during which I’m besieged and laid waste to with words that have many syllables, like “orange”, and “whether.”  She’s very gracious in our battles, and she doesn’t really require victory.  In her own words, “I ...
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