Looking for some inspiration and laughter?  Check out the long and growing list of all Josh's blogs below!  They're a fine mix of Dave Barry, Demetri Martin, Brian Regan, Steven Wright, and plain ol' voiceover information, wisdom, tips and tricks.

Voiceovers: A Career To Kill For. A Career To Die For.

Either way, it's in the blood. Fourteen Jobs In fact, the only good part of my jobs was the fact that my chairs swiveled. So I kept quitting in order to fulfill my dream of not working there.  If I died and went to the fires of hell, it would probably take me a month to realize I was not at my job anymore. You see, at that time of my life, I was going ...
Read More

The $1000 I Will Never See Again

The Copyright Trolls are Alive And Well Some People Exist Only to Make Others Miserable The Voices In My Head is a satirical blog.  It is intended to be amusing and encouraging edutainment.  However, on occasion an issue comes to light that necessitates that I stow the satirical and the funny, and address something somberly, because it has bearings on us as voice talent, and you need to be protected, especially if you are a ...
Read More

Why can’t I lose weight? Oh, right.

A Heavy Topic My Whale of a Tale The truth?  We have all struggled with weight at one time or another (or in my case, every day since conception), and most of us would not even consider trying to fit into one of those swimsuits that look like they are apparently made of dental floss.  I once ruminated about becoming a swimsuit model, but for the good of humanity, I will not do so.  Ever.  ...
Read More

I Lost My Cool And Things Got Heated

This is not a cooked-up story Thank God for A/C "A/C." Two letters paired together that are about as satisfying to hear as "Never-ending lobster." "Sleeping in." "All Michael Bolton music now outlawed." Ahhhhh, A/C, my dear friend. God bless the maker of cold. God bless the maker of air. God bless God. We are able to enjoy this wonderful concoction of 60 degree temperature to rival all of our summer heat. When air conditioning ...
Read More

Complete Voiceover Shopping List: Rocket Packs and Magnetic Boots

Add To Cart Credit: https://pixabay.com/users/alexas_fotos-686414/ Contradictory Complimentary Commentary Photo credit: https://pixabay.com/users/qimono-1962238/ "Fly high and proud." "Keep your feet on the ground." "What are you waiting for?  Spread your wings and soar!" "Get your head out of the clouds." Thanks for the mixed messages, everyone.  Not ambiguous in the slightest.  I will now enter the nearest Twister competition teamed up with a bowl of spaghetti. Apparently, I need to be up in the sky and yet ...
Read More

How To Survive Voiceover Directed Sessions. Hint: Crows, Fire Ants & Ice Cream.

Ever feel like detonating? Dear Jon Gardner: Love You With My Life. Perhaps you know Jon Gardner.  Surely you have heard of him.  If not, this is the man singing Love You With My Life on his way home, while you stare, point fingers, and scrunch up your face while you cry from laughter and pee yourself in your car. But Jon Gardner needs to perform: unmonitored, undirected, freely, and with abandon. We all do ...
Read More

Pardon Me, Your Ass Is Showing

Dear Mr. Sag: Stop. A long time ago, I decided to grow up There came a time in my life where I had to make a choice. Either continue in my immature ways, or do the unthinkable and subscribe to AARP. Faced with these two choices, I chose a cheeseburger and fries to go. I jest. I did ultimately grow up. And ultimately, I count it a privilege to not be carded for cigarettes. Note: ...
Read More

Please, Can You Please Say Thank You? Thank You.

A Study on Manners Politeness.  It is Simply Too Much To Ask. I am a Businessman in the employ of Voiceovers, and as such I employ manners with my customers and colleagues.  But there is a conundrum that continues to perplex me. Correct me if I am wrong here, but I was taught by CocoMelon that "please" and "thank you" were all part of manners.  Manners are when you say "please" and "thank you", which ...
Read More

So…You Wanna Be A Voice Actor, Eh?

"I was told I have a good voice." The first step to becoming a successful voiceover artist is being teachable, and learning. So...are you teachable and ready to learn?  Then let us proceed.  I am confident that the following revelation may surprise you: I do not have all the answers.  Yes, I know you are shocked.  I understand.  Even my wife wears her "I don't need Google; my husband knows everything" T-Shirt. Surprised?  I am not.  ...
Read More

Please…For Your Own Good, Get a Voiceover Toddler

It May Just Save Your Life! Learning To Talk I once wrote a similar blog entitled "Please…For Your Own Good, Rent My Child."  It stands the test of time as one of my favorite blogs because it is all about how toddlers can help you perfect the art of storytelling.  I am told that as far as great reads, there is The Bible, Teen Beat Magazine, and that blog.  And those little paper restaurant table ...
Read More

Pssst! Hey, Sellout! Yeah, you! Over here!

WARNING: LONG CONTROVERSIAL CALL-YOU-ON-THE-CARPET BLOG FOLLOWS! GRAB YER POPCORN AND PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR FEET HELD TO THE FLAMES! Here Comes The Suit, Doodle-Doo-Doo This one is not funny.  I usually aim for them to be funny.  This one is not funny.  And here is why. Daughter of an Advertising Executive.  Many hours in studios critiquing commercials with her dad. A long tenure in CBC Studios as a production assistant in Radio Drama.  Training at ...
Read More

Maybe Depeche Mode had it right all along…

Enjoy The Silence. I do not pretend to be a farmer. Do not call me a farmer. Straw hats would look about as good on me as a Michael Bolton song would look in any playlist of mine. It just does not belong, and I wish to delete the @#^$ out of it, so pardon my pardon. However, I now own a pasture. Owning a pasture, according to the Universal Pasture Owners Guide Edition 17 ...
Read More

A Long, Long Time Ago, Thinking Was Invented

...and Planet Earth would never be the same again. Open Your Mind to Me, Quaid. You know him!  You love him!  Let me start over. You only just know him and do not even wish to!  That squishy little belly mutant protruding out of some dude's tummy in Paul Verhoeven's 1990's smash hit, Total Recall. I remember seeing that hernia-like Muppet protrude from Marshall Bell's abdomen, and I experienced a pain I could not locate.  ...
Read More

I Cannot Tell A Lie

Voiceover Pinocchios The Proof is in the Pudding This section is about pudding, because it is pudding, and that is enough.  I am confident that pudding was invented by Jesus Himself, and that there will be pudding in heaven.  I have yet to record a voiceover script about pudding, but all good things come to those who eat their weight in pudding.  I have now said pudding seven times. But fear not: I almost always ...
Read More

Wish You Were Here

(...VO Atlanta) 753 Days Later I boarded the plane bound for the southeast, passing by those in First Class and briefly thinking to myself, "Snooty rich folk in their snooty seats! I want one."  I dimly noted the look given me by one of the snooty passengers as I, the lowly steerage, made my lowly way to the lowly rear of the aircraft.  I imagined, as Brian Regan did, that they were waiting for someone ...
Read More

An Easter Egg Hunt To Dye For (Get it? GET IT???)

Candy, eggs and bunnies, oh my! Room to move…and hunt Most of my readers know that we recently moved.  "Recently" meaning eight months ago, yes, but compared to the fridge life of mustard, it counts as recent.  We dared to move during, of all things, a global pandemic.  We figured life was not crazy enough at the time, and decided to mix things up a bit.  I am not saying that this was a wise ...
Read More

HELP! I’ve been SHOT!

But C3PO: see? 3 hours...not PO'd Hit me with your best Shot It was finally time.  Pardon me.  Allow me to rephrase that.  FREAKING FINALLY, IT WAS FINALLY FREAKING TIME.  It had been over a year since an epidemic had graduated to pandemic status, and the start of the barrage of sweet reverb-laden piano music accompanied by "In these unprecedented times... we're all in this together."  ER Nurses and first responders began to be worshipped ...
Read More

I’d like to introduce you to The Greatest Voiceover Artist Of All Time

You may already know Him I am envious, and I like it Look.  All blogs from The Voice Actor Blog are supposed to be a comical interlude to your week.  A refreshing break from the maddening norm of auditioning-marketing-recording-rinse-repeat.  Inspirational in nature.  As I have logged many blogs now in that vein, it is only fair that I am now entitled to indulge in a bit of a confession. I am envious. Yes.  Seething with ...
Read More

Are you a Voiceover Dinkleboo?

Yes. I said Dinkleboo. That Personal Touch I was about six or seven years old, I think. My uncle was very generous, and he gave us three boys a gift that I remember to this day.  Where it is now, I cannot tell you, because I am sure, like many things in life, it was misplaced somehow.  Kind of like my wife's keys and iPhone, which is why she is always either taking the bus ...
Read More

An Unbloggy Blogless Voiceover Blog full of Bloggy Blogness

The Best of the Recent Rest You know you're busy when... Ever have no time to blog, or do any other precious activity? Well. ...and as I was busy producing my Streamlining your Voiceover Workflow in Reaper Training Modules which you should sign up for post-haste... ...both took me out of commission for a bit. So! What does one do when one has no time to write one's blog?  Why, rehash the best of previous ...
Read More

Jimmy Crack Audio, And I Do Care

Snap Crackle Pop I love my van.  I do not pretend to be a masculine, burly, Ford F150-loving He-Man, although I have to admit that having the power of Greyskull at my command does sound rather enticing. No.  For me, I own a minivan because I have two small children who are small.  Though my children are small, what they require to take them anywhere is NOT small, and requires a caravan of tractor trailers ...
Read More

The Hokey-Pokey Voice Talent

Put your Whole Self in, why don't you? There is no Try You know him.  You love him.  He is small and green, and frankly, adorable.  I am not talking about Regis Philbin.  I am referring, of course, to grown-up Yoda.  It does discombobulate me some that we now need to clarify between two different Yoda's.  In this instance I am not referring to Grogu, aka Baby Yoda.  Now that there are two, frankly, it ...
Read More

No Thanks. I Already Know Everything.

Arrogance at its Finest All Hail The Know-It-Alls He is known only as…Know-It-All.  Dressed in yellow pajamas, with short-cropped hair and bullet-proof glasses that magnify his nearly-crossed eyeballs into the size of small moons, Eddie Deezen's character in The Polar Express is simultaneously obnoxious, cute and annoying. Obnoxious: because he knows everything and insists on talking through a shrill, nasally, clarinety tone that just makes you want to squeeze things until they ooze. Cute: because ...
Read More

Please Don’t Encase Me In Carbonite

Or Ziploc. Or Hibernation. Or Suspended Animation. Or Anything. I don't want to get stuck. First things first: let us settle a little debate.  The Empire Strikes Back is the best Star Wars movie of all time.  For those of you who feel that The Attack of the Clones is the best one, the trap door leading to the Sarlacc pit is to your right. Good luck. Millions of voices will cry out in blessed ...
Read More

The 10-Mile Voiceover

Pressing Onward It all started with a Birthday Mark is in shape.  He's a fit man who just turned 34.  So hiking is, for him, completely expected and normal, and will not leave him huffing on the ground like a sweaty upturned hippo.  I am not saying that is what happened to me, but what I am saying is that is what happened to me. Gabe is…I do not know how old Gabe is.  I ...
Read More

Hey! It’s a WAY OK PSA Foray Essay Day! YAY!

(aka One Man's Journey Into Voiceovers) A Long Time Ago, in, well, a city right next door It was 1993.  I was all of 20 years old.  I was thin. I am no longer thin. But bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I was ready take on the world. To tackle the world. To annoy the world. I was a telemarketer.  Stop judging me.  It's an illustrious career that bears esteem akin to that of Presidents, as long ...
Read More

Accursed Red Badges and Pavlov’s Dog

Our Conditioned Responsiveness It's a Dilemma, Truly I recently watched The Social Dilemma for a romantic date night with my wife.  I assure you this is because Transformers: Dark of the Moon - the ultimate love movie - was out of rotation. We'd wanted to for a while, but alas, were not yet members of the Netflix elite.  Our entertainment diet usually consists of a strict regimen of Pixar, Disney+, Pixar, and time permitting, Pixar.  ...
Read More

I Hate Community

…and statistics. And statistics about community. The Revulsion of Community I was reminded today, yet again, how much I hate community. Now, I know what you're thinking. We don't hate. When I was a little boy, and I would emphatically state that I hated something, my mom would purse her lips and lightly shake her head and say, with a drippy saccharin sweetness, "We don't hate." And my answer to that is well actually yes ...
Read More

How Not To Fly A Drone Into A Tree

Written by a guy who flew his drone into a tree So I crashed my drone into a tree and stranded it there in the rain, because #skills. And just like a "frame" in medias res movie that starts at the end and then flashes back to the beginning and explains the lead-up to the tragedy, I shall now take you down memory lane on an exquisite journey of intrepid adventure, aerial stunts, and a ...
Read More

Does this mask make me look fat?

It's time to Feel That Burn. Back to the Future Well, we reached the end at last.  The season finale of The Mandalorian Season 2 where Baby Yoda gets rescued, Luke Skywalker returns, a bunch of dark troopers get smashed on, and Joshua Alexander realizes that he sucks at spoilers.  I do apologize. The last time I wrote was a year ago, and that means that we're officially out of 2020, the year that we ...
Read More

Staycations and Axe-Murders

...and the inextricable link between them I tried. I really tried. That's all I can say.  I really, really tried to have an enjoyable staycation and not do any work.  It was all out of purely goodwill and good intentions, which is another way of saying I mean well, but please, in the spirit of niceness, don't hold my feet to the flames or I'll need to cut you up into little bits and mail ...
Read More

It’s Not You, It’s Me

…but it's really You. From There to Here Warning!  Gratuitously and unusually UN-funny blog ahead!  Read at your own laughter's peril! Reconciliation is a long road.  It starts with an offense and ends with an apology, or, at the very least, a lame half-ass offer to buy someone a beer.  For this reason, I love being offended, because it means I will usually end up with an apology and a beer. But that's just the ...
Read More

I Hate Burpees

To be clear, I hate burpees I'd like to preface this blog by stating emphatically, in no uncertain terms, that exercise (see definition: cruel and unusual punishment ) is of the devil (see definition: exercise).  I mean, let's be honest.  There is no way the human body should have to tolerate such rigor in the name of the almighty beach bod.  I have certainly never read in my Human Being Instruction Manual anything that mandated ...
Read More

Where’s my Refund?

Top Questions beget Top Answers What is the Matrix? “What is the Matrix?”  It’s a phrase Neo asked Trinity in 1999’s blockbuster, The Matrix.  Her reply?  “The answer is out there, Neo.  It’s looking for you.  And it will find you, if you want it to.” Today, people all around the world ask Google everything.  I cannot claim to have ever asked Google, “What is the Matrix?”  I can however claim to have asked, “Where’s ...
Read More

I Kinda Like Being a Storyteller

Pretty sure my kiddo likes it too In the beginning, there was Brennan It was March 20th, 2016. He was barely 5 weeks old, and was sitting in my arms while I confounded him with some nuisance about a far-away kingdom rife with rejoicing and fanfare at his birth.  But when I got to the part about the "magical ombillyboombillyhom" and started to produce noises that he, at 6 weeks old, was entirely unfamiliar with, ...
Read More

I put Santa on the Naughty List

Because NO: he did NOT come to town. A Most Necessary Update Well, here we are.  It’s the holiday season once again, and that brings me to some unfortunate conclusions that I am compelled to address.  It is time to peel the onion of illusion of that great gift-giver himself, Mr. Santa F. Claus of The North Pole.  The F stands for Fraud. Last year, around this time, I made a blog entitled “Josh’s Christmas ...
Read More

Rock The Vote!

Why this Voice Talent voted the way he did Gotta love Politics First of all, allow me to congratulate you on making it through last week, and not going all-out-psycho and killing everyone with a hammer. Who did I vote for?  It was an easy choice, really, when you think about it.  There were only two candidates, and I had to choose one or the other.  Had Wall-E been an official candidate, I would have ...
Read More

The Intrepid Tale of a Voiceover Artist iPhone-Addict Guy

Don’t judge me. "iPhone X" by TheBetterDay is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0 Shut up and take my Money Image by Santiago Vecino So it’s iPhone season again.  And despite the fact that they’re made in China – which I’m told have recently spawned some kind of supervirus or something…? I’m hearing a rumor here and there so please let me know if you’ve heard anything about it – I simply must have the new iPhone every year.  I'm ...
Read More

RIP Simon, our, ahem, “beloved” Voiceover Kitty

And welcome to your beautiful tenth life... I don’t like cats… I don’t.  I really don’t.  You really have to work hard for their affection, and they don’t ever seem to understand that I’m kind of a big deal.  In fact the very best depictions of how cats perceive humans are depictions where cats are flipping off humans.  Our cat was that way.  I say “was”, because unless your IQ is the same as that ...
Read More

You deserve a break today.

Take a break? Perish the thought! "Breather." by digitalpimp. is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0 The Constant Type A Drive "3D Bullseye" by ccPixs.com is licensed under CC BY 2.0 I don’t read a lot, as I prefer all things digital, and ultimately, it’s far too many consonants and vowels for me, so I get tired. I do however read scripts in exchange for money, and occasionally I will crack open a nice pop-up book with font 83 bold. In any event, I ...
Read More

I Hate Comcast. I Mean XFinity. I mean Comcast.

...so I'm doing something about it. Well, "Hate" doesn’t quite sum it up I hate Comcast. As in want-to-do-things-to-them hatred.  As in I-don’t-care-if-you-changed-your-name-you’re-still-lousy-Comcast-in-disguise-and-no-rebranding-can-ever-save-you-as-I-press-this-scalding-firebrand-into-your-skin-hold-still-darn-you hate them. “But wait!” you say.  Aren’t they Xfinity now?  No. They just rebranded, which doesn’t really mean anything. They’re still the same old Comcast, marinated in cruelty, basted in barbarism, and soaked in pure Internety evil. I don't hate Comcast a little bit.  I hate them with every fiber of my ...
Read More

A Moment of Silence for Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo

GONE IS THE FANTASY "Success" by StickerGiant is licensed under CC BY 2.0 Nope...No Magic Wands Here "Day 255: Magic Wand" by amanky is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 You got into voiceovers because you wanted to do something fun. You thought it would be easy. You thought if you just put yourself behind a mic, and made magical sounds, you’d be an instant hit and receive worldwide acclaim. Basically, you fell for the uber-demonstrative ...
Read More

Hey, a Voice Talent’s gotta eat…

What’s your Flavor? First order of business: survival. "EAT." by Andrew* is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 The question was recently posed on Facebook: “You wake up and you’re the last person on earth.  What’s the first thing you do?  Crying isn’t an option.”  Fortunately for me, I'm part Lumberjack with a Sam Elliott voice and a sexy Jack Palance confidence.  And as my tear ducts have actually themselves evaporated, there's really only one obvious answer: Raid the nearest ...
Read More

Why I chose Voiceovers instead of Eternal Torment

A decision that required only .02693 Milliseconds "work" by Sean MacEntee is licensed under CC BY 2.0 What’s your Line? Mom always said I could be anything I wanted to be. People choose all kinds of lines of work.  Some people choose voiceovers.  Some choose to ascend tall electrical poles for the thrill of the zap. Others construct buildings. Still others have a grisly affection for working in the sewers amidst darkness and, well, poop. (Side note: my toddler ...
Read More

Learn how to write – and THEN come back and hire me

I just love me some crazy scripts and nonsensical grammar Uh…holiday whobee-whatee? Happy Labor Day!  Since we're celebrating a national day off of work, let's talk about how much work it can sometimes be to do...uh...work! You know those scripts.  The ones that don't make any sense.  Riddled with errors. The ones that appear to have been written by a third-grader whose cells were fused with a sloth that has been fed only large quantities ...
Read More

I’ll give you free Voiceover work!

With a side of Shame and a medium Guiltshake The Downside of the Upside Photo by Tanja Bruckner, 2017. Free Work.  I like to do it as much as I like having my eye poked out with a searing hot firebrand.  It's not that I'm uncharitable or a hardened cynic, don't care or don't have time, it's just that I don't want to. Especially in the case of pickups, when it’s been a really long ...
Read More

Oh for the joy of Voiceovers and Delightful Explosions!

(Hats off to Brad Hyland for the title) Percussion Concussion "'ACTION MOVIE' (The Explosion)" by Stephanie Hough is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 We just moved.  Oh and by the way, we just moved closer to an air force base.  Oh and by the way, they have recently been doing routine testing by blowing things up repeatedly throughout the day, and you could see my little dB meter flicker each time something detonated.  Boom.  Yay for percussion. Now, I’m ...
Read More

Voiceovers and Moving Don’t Mix

Because…Duh. It was not a "moving" experience We decided to move.  And heck, we figured, "there's no better time to move than during a global pandemic."  And as a voiceover artist, I like to keep it uber-interesting. So!  With that, we began our search. We found the one we wanted on May 6th: our dream home.  We decided that was it.  We made an offer.  They came back and said that they wouldn’t entertain our ...
Read More

Please Don’t Send Me To Collections!

I’ve still got a score to settle That Magical Place of No Return A long time ago, there existed a video production client.  His name, for the purposes of this story, was VideoProductionClientRalph.  Ralph (for short) owed a certain voiceover artist money.  And her name, was VoiceoverArtistYolanda.  Ralph owed Yolanda a shapely share of shekels for voiceover services rendered.  But oh no!  Ralph didn’t pay Yolanda! She desperately needed a new fence to pen her ...
Read More

The Scintillating Saga of Victor & Vicky Voiceover and Carl the Curiously Coverless Covid-Guy

Available wherever quality fiction is sold It’s our Grand Re-opening! What could go wrong!? Welcome to America, where we have everything you could ever want or need, and then a lot of things that you just don’t want, like ever.  Not even a little bit.  Things like: Covid-19 Michael Bolton music Waiters asking you “if you’re still doing OK” every thirty seconds Rush-hour at 7am, 8am, 9am, 10am, 11am, 12pm, 1pm, 2pm, 3pm, 4pm, 5pm, ...
Read More