Looking for some inspiration and laughter?  Check out the long and growing list of all Josh's blogs below!  They're a fine mix of Dave Barry, Demetri Martin, Brian Regan, Steven Wright, and plain ol' voiceover information, wisdom, tips and tricks.

I Hate Community

…and statistics. And statistics about community. The Revulsion of Community I was reminded today, yet again, how much I hate community. Now, I know what you're thinking. We don't hate. When I was a little boy, and I would emphatically state that I hated something, my mom would purse her lips and lightly shake her head and say, with a drippy saccharin sweetness, "We don't hate." And my answer to that is well actually yes ...
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How Not To Fly A Drone Into A Tree

Written by a guy who flew his drone into a tree So I crashed my drone into a tree and stranded it there in the rain, because #skills. And just like a "frame" in medias res movie that starts at the end and then flashes back to the beginning and explains the lead-up to the tragedy, I shall now take you down memory lane on an exquisite journey of intrepid adventure, aerial stunts, and a ...
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Does this mask make me look fat?

It's time to Feel That Burn. Back to the Future Well, we reached the end at last.  The season finale of The Mandalorian Season 2 where Baby Yoda gets rescued, Luke Skywalker returns, a bunch of dark troopers get smashed on, and Joshua Alexander realizes that he sucks at spoilers.  I do apologize. The last time I wrote was a year ago, and that means that we're officially out of 2020, the year that we ...
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Staycations and Axe-Murders

...and the inextricable link between them I tried. I really tried. That's all I can say.  I really, really tried to have an enjoyable staycation and not do any work.  It was all out of purely goodwill and good intentions, which is another way of saying I mean well, but please, in the spirit of niceness, don't hold my feet to the flames or I'll need to cut you up into little bits and mail ...
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It’s Not You, It’s Me

…but it's really You. From There to Here Warning!  Gratuitously and unusually UN-funny blog ahead!  Read at your own laughter's peril! Reconciliation is a long road.  It starts with an offense and ends with an apology, or, at the very least, a lame half-ass offer to buy someone a beer.  For this reason, I love being offended, because it means I will usually end up with an apology and a beer. But that's just the ...
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I Hate Burpees

To be clear, I hate burpees I'd like to preface this blog by stating emphatically, in no uncertain terms, that exercise (see definition: cruel and unusual punishment ) is of the devil (see definition: exercise).  I mean, let's be honest.  There is no way the human body should have to tolerate such rigor in the name of the almighty beach bod.  I have certainly never read in my Human Being Instruction Manual anything that mandated ...
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Where’s my Refund?

Top Questions beget Top Answers What is the Matrix? “What is the Matrix?”  It’s a phrase Neo asked Trinity in 1999’s blockbuster, The Matrix.  Her reply?  “The answer is out there, Neo.  It’s looking for you.  And it will find you, if you want it to.” Today, people all around the world ask Google everything.  I cannot claim to have ever asked Google, “What is the Matrix?”  I can however claim to have asked, “Where’s ...
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I Kinda Like Being a Storyteller

Pretty sure my kiddo likes it too In the beginning, there was Brennan It was March 20th, 2016. He was barely 5 weeks old, and was sitting in my arms while I confounded him with some nuisance about a far-away kingdom rife with rejoicing and fanfare at his birth.  But when I got to the part about the “magical ombillyboombillyhom” and started to produce noises that he, at 6 weeks old, was entirely unfamiliar with, ...
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I put Santa on the Naughty List

Because NO: he did NOT come to town. A Most Necessary Update Well, here we are.  It’s the holiday season once again, and that brings me to some unfortunate conclusions that I am compelled to address.  It is time to peel the onion of illusion of that great gift-giver himself, Mr. Santa F. Claus of The North Pole.  The F stands for Fraud. Last year, around this time, I made a blog entitled “Josh’s Christmas ...
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Rock The Vote!

Why this Voice Talent voted the way he did Gotta love Politics First of all, allow me to congratulate you on making it through last week, and not going all-out-psycho and killing everyone with a hammer. Who did I vote for?  It was an easy choice, really, when you think about it.  There were only two candidates, and I had to choose one or the other.  Had Wall-E been an official candidate, I would have ...
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The Intrepid Tale of a Voiceover Artist iPhone-Addict Guy

Don’t judge me. "iPhone X" by TheBetterDay is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0 Shut up and take my Money Image by Santiago Vecino So it’s iPhone season again.  And despite the fact that they’re made in China – which I’m told have recently spawned some kind of supervirus or something…? I’m hearing a rumor here and there so please let me know if you’ve heard anything about it – I simply must have the new iPhone every year.  I'm ...
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RIP Simon, our, ahem, “beloved” Voiceover Kitty

And welcome to your beautiful tenth life... I don’t like cats… I don’t.  I really don’t.  You really have to work hard for their affection, and they don’t ever seem to understand that I’m kind of a big deal.  In fact the very best depictions of how cats perceive humans are depictions where cats are flipping off humans.  Our cat was that way.  I say “was”, because unless your IQ is the same as that ...
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You deserve a break today.

Take a break? Perish the thought! "Breather." by digitalpimp. is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0 The Constant Type A Drive "3D Bullseye" by ccPixs.com is licensed under CC BY 2.0 I don’t read a lot, as I prefer all things digital, and ultimately, it’s far too many consonants and vowels for me, so I get tired. I do however read scripts in exchange for money, and occasionally I will crack open a nice pop-up book with font 83 bold. In any event, I ...
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I Hate Comcast. I Mean XFinity. I mean Comcast.

...so I'm doing something about it. Well, "Hate" doesn’t quite sum it up I hate Comcast. As in want-to-do-things-to-them hatred.  As in I-don’t-care-if-you-changed-your-name-you’re-still-lousy-Comcast-in-disguise-and-no-rebranding-can-ever-save-you-as-I-press-this-scalding-firebrand-into-your-skin-hold-still-darn-you hate them. “But wait!” you say.  Aren’t they Xfinity now?  No. They just rebranded, which doesn’t really mean anything. They’re still the same old Comcast, marinated in cruelty, basted in barbarism, and soaked in pure Internety evil. I don't hate Comcast a little bit.  I hate them with every fiber of my ...
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A Moment of Silence for Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo

GONE IS THE FANTASY "Success" by StickerGiant is licensed under CC BY 2.0 Nope...No Magic Wands Here "Day 255: Magic Wand" by amanky is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 You got into voiceovers because you wanted to do something fun. You thought it would be easy. You thought if you just put yourself behind a mic, and made magical sounds, you’d be an instant hit and receive worldwide acclaim. Basically, you fell for the uber-demonstrative ...
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Hey, a Voice Talent’s gotta eat…

What’s your Flavor? First order of business: survival. "EAT." by Andrew* is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 The question was recently posed on Facebook: “You wake up and you’re the last person on earth.  What’s the first thing you do?  Crying isn’t an option.”  Fortunately for me, I'm part Lumberjack with a Sam Elliott voice and a sexy Jack Palance confidence.  And as my tear ducts have actually themselves evaporated, there's really only one obvious answer: Raid the nearest ...
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Why I chose Voiceovers instead of Eternal Torment

A decision that required only .02693 Milliseconds "work" by Sean MacEntee is licensed under CC BY 2.0 What’s your Line? Mom always said I could be anything I wanted to be. People choose all kinds of lines of work.  Some people choose voiceovers.  Some choose to ascend tall electrical poles for the thrill of the zap. Others construct buildings. Still others have a grisly affection for working in the sewers amidst darkness and, well, poop. (Side note: my toddler ...
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Learn how to write – and THEN come back and hire me

I just love me some crazy scripts and nonsensical grammar Uh…holiday whobee-whatee? Happy Labor Day!  Since we're celebrating a national day off of work, let's talk about how much work it can sometimes be to do...uh...work! You know those scripts.  The ones that don't make any sense.  Riddled with errors. The ones that appear to have been written by a third-grader whose cells were fused with a sloth that has been fed only large quantities ...
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I’ll give you free Voiceover work!

With a side of Shame and a medium Guiltshake The Downside of the Upside Photo by Tanja Bruckner, 2017. Free Work.  I like to do it as much as I like having my eye poked out with a searing hot firebrand.  It's not that I'm uncharitable or a hardened cynic, don't care or don't have time, it's just that I don't want to. Especially in the case of pickups, when it’s been a really long ...
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Oh for the joy of Voiceovers and Delightful Explosions!

(Hats off to Brad Hyland for the title) Percussion Concussion "'ACTION MOVIE' (The Explosion)" by Stephanie Hough is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 We just moved.  Oh and by the way, we just moved closer to an air force base.  Oh and by the way, they have recently been doing routine testing by blowing things up repeatedly throughout the day, and you could see my little dB meter flicker each time something detonated.  Boom.  Yay for percussion. Now, I’m ...
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Voiceovers and Moving Don’t Mix

Because…Duh. It was not a "moving" experience We decided to move.  And heck, we figured, "there's no better time to move than during a global pandemic."  And as a voiceover artist, I like to keep it uber-interesting. So!  With that, we began our search. We found the one we wanted on May 6th: our dream home.  We decided that was it.  We made an offer.  They came back and said that they wouldn’t entertain our ...
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Please Don’t Send Me To Collections!

I’ve still got a score to settle That Magical Place of No Return A long time ago, there existed a video production client.  His name, for the purposes of this story, was VideoProductionClientRalph.  Ralph (for short) owed a certain voiceover artist money.  And her name, was VoiceoverArtistYolanda.  Ralph owed Yolanda a shapely share of shekels for voiceover services rendered.  But oh no!  Ralph didn’t pay Yolanda! She desperately needed a new fence to pen her ...
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The Scintillating Saga of Victor & Vicky Voiceover and Carl the Curiously Coverless Covid-Guy

Available wherever quality fiction is sold It’s our Grand Re-opening! What could go wrong!? Welcome to America, where we have everything you could ever want or need, and then a lot of things that you just don’t want, like ever.  Not even a little bit.  Things like: Covid-19 Michael Bolton music Waiters asking you “if you’re still doing OK” every thirty seconds Rush-hour at 7am, 8am, 9am, 10am, 11am, 12pm, 1pm, 2pm, 3pm, 4pm, 5pm, ...
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I’m leaving on a Voiceover Jetplane

Don’t know when I’ll be back again Yep…still moving If you’ve been following my blog - and I have no idea why you wouldn't do such a thing - then you’ll know we’re moving.  By that I don't mean that people are emotionally impacted by listening to us.  Not that kind of moving.  The kind of moving that is forged in the fires of Sorrow, fueled by the despair of billions of atoms of Woe, ...
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How to Survive a Pandemic if you’re a Voice Talent

(And not eat your relatives) Caution: I am not a scholar. Or a scientist. Or a theologian. Or a doctor. Or a psychologist. Or psychiatrist. Or an advisor of any kind. In fact, I may not have any real solid answers for you, but at least we'll laugh together along our path to oblivion. “A nice pickle we’ve landed ourselves in, Mr. Frodo.” Surely by now you’ve read The Lord of the Rings.  If you’re ...
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That does it. I’m running for President of the United States of America

I’m Joshua Alexander, and I approve this message. The time has come. It’s almost that time of year.  I think you know what I’m talking about, and I don’t mean the annual Arctic Tundra Cookoff Sponsored By Jimbob’s Spicy GreaseBurgers. The other thing.  That glorious time where we put off all forms of decorum and civility towards our fellow man, and erupt into fireballs of vomitous political indignation and fury when conversations go south and ...
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You Don’t Tell Me What To Do!

I'm telling!  (Get it?) I make the Rules Remember your childhood?  Life was fresh and new.  The smell of green grass was in the air.  Your bicycle had those playing cards strapped to the seatstays or fork to make it sound like a motor when it hit the spokes, while your little legs pumped up and down tirelessly before you hit that bike launch and ran screaming to Mom for an ambulance.  Cue “These are ...
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How to become a Voiceover Gajillionaire

A Get-Rich-Quick Guide Follow my 5 easy steps It’s a different world now.  If you consider all the craziness that has happened since 2020 began, we’re on pace to start protesting about pandemics of impeached murder hornets soon. I think it’s time to inject a little disinfectant. In all of this woe, people all over the planet are flocking to voiceovers like never before.  I mean, there must be something here with such great promise ...
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How to date a Voiceover Artist

Written by a dated Voiceover Artist An entry from a non-mind-wiped married male These are strange times.  Dare I say “uncertain times”? No, I dare not say that, because that has truly been said enough…certainly so much so that I’m certain that I'm able to certainly say, “these are certainly uncertain times.”  I get it, and so do you. But one thing IS certain, and that’s that people still need relationships.  These social distancing measures ...
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“Honey I have an idea – let’s move in the middle of a global pandemic!”

And other dumb things I've said. To move or not to move: that is the question. So my wife and I are in the process of looking for homes.  Or, to be more precise, we were in the process, before we both started not finding what we each wanted, not liking the other’s choices, foaming at the mouth and finally sizing each other up for coffins. (Hers is 5’5” and a smidge…but smidges are important.  ...
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A Blogger’s Blog about Blogging

Why we do what we do…and when we do it.  And also where.  And how. Blogging…why? Why do I blog?  I suppose because there was a time where it dawned on me that I should stop building suspension bridges in my backyard because I was annoying the neighbors.  Or the other time where I tried to divide 326.73928 by 4.9926 and my skull detonated.  Or yet that other time when I was possessed by a ...
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A Leap Forward to Look Back

Confused yet? Much to give thanks for Today is my birthday!  I’m 23…uh…again!  And as my all-time favorite book and movie trilogy is The Lord of the Rings, it’s appropriate to quote The Gaffer at the end of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, when he says “All’s well as ends better”!  What a great phrase.  You never know how a week will turn out.  I just finished last week with TWENTY-THREE scripts or job ...
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When life gives you Murder Hornets, you make Murder Hornet Lemonade

...or…some other title that’s fitting Because a Global Coronavirus Pandemic just wasn’t enough We're in the thick of it now.  A teacher missed her classroom so much that she knitted all of her students, which is another way of saying, "I went bonkers."  Now, I don’t mean knitted them together against their wills, mind you, or she’d be in the Big House, which I’m told is NOT where you want to be during a pandemic.  ...
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There can be miracles…when you believe

And not just in animated movies. Houston and Carey had it right In 1998’s The Prince of Egypt, a wonderful song was delivered by two pop divas.  No, not Ethel Merman and Jessica Rabbit.  The other two divas: Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey.  I’m talking about the theme song, “There can be Miracles.”  Wow, what a matchup!  They were a team…er…sort of.  Two divas duking it out with all their vocal gymnastics and sending us ...
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M-m-m-my Corona

A surprise Coronavirus upgrade The proof is in the crazy pudding My oh my how COVID-19 has wreaked havoc on our world.  It’s been a frustrating time, a crazy time, a stressful time, and a sad time.  In all sincerity, it’s been of Biblical proportions.  Whoever calls it a plague would be right to do so.  As of this writing, the coronavirus has wiped out 178,845 members of our planet…but by the time this is ...
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Every Day is an Easter Egg Hunt

It’s not just a myth anymore! Kids and Hunts My preschooler is four. This is commonly known as the age where all parents everywhere become utterly committed, in all parental love, to renouncing all ownership and claim to preschoolers. But we’re sticking it out because we love the little guy, and also because we got an extra $500 from the federal government in our stimulus. And BOY does this boy love him some candy.  If ...
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Father forgive me, for I have spammed

Guilty as charged I’m Joshua Alexander.  And I’m a spammer.  (“Hi, Josh…”) Well, I covered telemarketing, so it’s only fitting that now we talk about everyone’s favorite source of daily disgruntlement: the email spammer! But first, let’s zoom out and really examine Spam.  What is Spam anyway?  When we crack open a can of spam, we find meat substitute soaked in evil.  So essentially, what these strangers from afar – especially everyone’s favorite beloved Nigerian ...
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Coronavirus: I get it

I finally got it Now that was some darn good click-bait I finally got Covid-19.  As in: I finally understood it. I’ve been angry.  I’ve been depressed.  I’ve been frantic and worried.  I’ve been nervous and sleepless.  I want to squeeze things until they pop.  Honey, take the children into the next room please. Honestly, it’s so bad I’m even about to watch Dumb & Dumber To again and then find something to disassemble.  Where's ...
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I’m Joshua Alexander, and I love you.

What’s love got to do…got to do with it? This damned virus So now we come to it.  We’re in over our heads with this damned coronavirus.  Coronaviruses aren’t new; they’ve been around for as long as Betty White has.  It’s just that this new one, to which we’ve ascribed the cool-sounding moniker, “Covid19”, is anything but cool, and is in fact a cold-blooded killer.  Just think of it: cancer can take several weeks, months, ...
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We have your Toilet Paper. And if you ever want to see it again…

Ten Trusty Ways to Survive the Coronavirus as a Voice Talent NOTE: Please practice social distancing and stand at least 6 feet away from this blog while reading it, or I'm spraying you with hand sanitizer. It’s a mad, mad world out there.  With toilet paper flying off the shelves, what’s one to do?  It’s a crappy mess. (Get it?)  Hysteria abounds.  Fear and panic are widespread.  Isolation and loneliness are rampant.  Dogs and cats ...
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I’m a Voice Talent, but I’m No Superman

I’ll be even less super by the end of this blog A Super Photo Shoot I rebranded, if you haven’t noticed, and it’s marvelous.  All the colors of red, white, blue and yellow are there, and can be easily seen with X-Ray vision if you look close.  My photographer brother-in-law takes great photos with a high-res camera that I’m told can let you see inside my pores, if you zoom in close enough.  I’ll not ...
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Voiceovers rule and Weddings suck

Wedding and Voicing and Writing Oh My! Rather than send out two blog posts back to back, here's a sidebar announcement: Did you get my book yet?  "VOICEOVERS: A Super Business ∙ A Super Life", my 310-page independently published book, is now available for order! Now back to our regularly scheduled program already in progress. Gone are the Days There was a time in my life where weddings were my main breadwinner.  How fun was ...
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What To Do When You’re Male

Written by a Male for Males It’s hard being a Dude When you think about it, it’s difficult being a human.  I would much rather be a tiny tardigrade (I’ve talked about them before) because apparently they’re indestructible, even if you send them to the moon and then blow up the moon.  (Please do not try this as I’m told we need the moon for movies like Moonstruck and TV shows like Moonlighting and songs ...
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May I speak with the person in charge of your Voiceovers?

Voiceovers & Telemarketers The Telemarketing Golden Years How did I get started in voiceovers? Sit back, pull up a mug of something light and refreshing, and let me regale you with a tale of old.  Because I’m now old.  And tales are cool. The year was 1993. Yours Truly was under the part-time employ of a telemarketing outfit in Bellevue Washington, where Yours Truly would contact business owners and summon all of Yours Truly’s seductive ...
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My Interview with Voiceover Coach & Demo Producer Scott Burns!

It's here! The still frame says it all - he and I smile a lot together.  Check out my recent interviews with my beloved coach, the illustrious Scott W. Burns!! We had a ball as usual. Check 'em out and give Scott a call or email for coaching or demo production. If you're looking for a voiceover coach or demo producer, I cannot recommend Scott Burns more highly.  Scott is a wonderful mammal and a ...
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The Voiceover Guy and the Attack of the Killer Preschoolers

A True Story Now I know what Arnold felt like What you are about to read is the firsthand account of where I literally almost died.  I am not making this up.  Where I, a grownup, found myself overrun by a savage classroom of bloodthirsty and carnivorous preschoolers.  I’m talking about an event laden with fear and anxiety.  I’m referencing an occasion whereby one’s stamina and fortitude melt and wither in the fiery crucible of ...
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There’s a Fly in my Voiceover Booth

It all started with Sci-Fi The year was 1986.  I was all of 13.  The cool fad was something strange and exciting called “The Walkman.”  And the cool movie was The Fly with Jeff Goldblum.  Now, keep in mind that this movie is a reboot of the original.  I’m generally not a big fan of remakes or reboots, with a few exceptions.  I thought the new Total Recall was a blast.  I actually enjoyed the ...
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My Interview With Mr. Nethervoice, Paul Strikwerda!

The Man, The Myth, The Legend I had the EXTREME pleasure of interviewing Paul Strikwerda, aka "Nethervoice" today. Paul is a very humble man with a powerful story, and years upon years of VO insight. Paul has survived a stroke AND a career in radio and TV. He's got lots of stories to tell, and he tells them well. He's Dutch, and he loves his big yellow Crocs. I'm kind of fond of them too ...
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Welcome to Voiceover Manners 101

Your Guide for Human Etiquette in the 21st Century It’s pronounced “Peath” My preschooler.  Such a dynamo. Brennan is still learning English, so you can’t fault him.  He is not yet 4, so he is still essentially enrolled in English-as-a-second-language, since his primary language is dribble-drool-goo-goo-gah-gah-squeal-wah.  My favorite thing he says, when asked if he needs to go potty, is “I already’d.”  That’s as in “already”, but past tense of course. My kiddo is simply ...
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Thank goodness I do Voiceovers only for Exposure

It’s all about publicity and goodwill, right? Voiceovers and Charity There once was a voice talent named Jack who loved to promote his knack To clients that we’d love to whack due to expectations that are whack. This poem has been brought to you as a courtesy by the Universal Collective Of Voiceover Artists Saddened And In Fact Maddened By Clients Promising Great Exposure And Wonderful Goodwill Resulting From Free Services, otherwise known as The ...
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